I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she smelled like a LAN party
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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