he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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