So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The best revenge is premature balding
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He has the fingertips of a God
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