i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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