Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
