I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
