Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
