he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
