So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
