Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
