You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
the day after is always just damage control
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
