I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
