Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
