Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I want to make a zoo with you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
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