I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
