Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
