Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Is it penis luge time yet?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
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