How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
