So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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