sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
