Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
