I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
