Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
