Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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