Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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