This is not my ceiling
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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