so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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