only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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