just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
