Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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