worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
zippers are such a cool invention
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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