Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
