Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
