So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
