member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
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