I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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