Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
