im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
drinking out of a sandbucket again
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
