That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
