Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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