Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
