My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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