Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
