im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
