at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
