I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
