i was born a porn star she said
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
