He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
