My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
