Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
