Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
