They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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